'Fighting'
isn't how you deal with cancer
by:
Judy Foremen
05/26/08
Fight, Ted, fight!"
This mantra, chanted over and over
to give moral support to Senator Edward M. Kennedy
as he faces brain cancer, drives me nuts. The caring
behind it is wonderful; the metaphor is not.
Cancer is not a football game.
It's more of an involuntary dance with a partner you
didn't choose, more judo than battlefield warfare.
It's not that I think that Ted
Kennedy should sail quietly off into the sunset with
the word "ACCEPTANCE" emblazoned on his shirt.
Certainly not yet. I think he should, and no doubt
will, muster his considerable intellectual,
emotional, spiritual, political, financial,
familial, and social power to deal with his cancer
on all fronts.
And when the time to die comes, as
it clearly will someday for him, just like the rest
of us, that too can be faced with grace, not guns.
I've seen a dear friend do it. I've seen my mother
do it. I've seen my husband do it.
The fighting metaphor is insidious
because it subtly and not so subtly implies that if
you fight, you can "win." And if you don't fight
hard enough, you "lose" and are therefore a "loser."
In truth, cancer doesn't care whether you fight or
not, whether you win or not. It's simply there, just
like all the other horrible, debilitating, scary,
painful, life-wrecking chronic diseases that
millions of Americans deal with every day.
This fighting thing is so
American, isn't it? We think of the world as
populated by good guys and bad guys. We believe so
naively in our power to triumph over adversity, not
just as a moral value but as a life-saver. We think
a "good attitude" improves survival, while pessimism
begets failure and death. But studies show that,
while optimism may feel better than pessimism, it
rarely, if ever, affects outcome.
And that's a good thing, not a bad
one, because it takes away the guilt of feeling so
responsible for everything -- the mistaken belief
that we have more control over our fate than we
actually do.
So then the challenge for Kennedy,
as for all of us, every day, is to figure out where
the locus of our limited control lies. Theologian
Reinhold Niebuhr said it best in his famous prayer,
adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other groups:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I
cannot change, the courage to change the things I
can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Kennedy can't change the fact of
his diagnosis. But he can, and already has, chosen
his doctors wisely. He is putting his resources now,
appropriately, into learning about his cancer, what
drives it, what might slow it down. He may have to
choose additional doctors, anywhere in the world.
That's great. That's the stuff that really is under
his control. As is choosing how to spend his time
and energy.
So, I would change the mantra to
"Breathe, Ted, breathe." Sail your boat. Kiss your
wife and your kids. Trust your doctors. Keep doing
the work you love.
Judy Foreman’s column runs every other week. Past
columns are available on
www.myhealthsense.com.
Listen to her live
call-in webcast radio show every Wednesday night
from 8:30 to 9:30 EST on
http://www.healthtalk.com.
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